Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Longing for Grace

"The Lord longs to be gracious to you, and therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you. For the Lord is a God of justice; How blessed are all those who long for Him.” -Isaiah 30:18

God has been bringing this word to mind SO MUCH lately. Grace. Grace. Grace. He has been reminding me of the need for me to have grace with others, the need for me to have grace with myself and most importantly reminding me of the abundant amount of grace he is willing to offer me every.single.day.


It is one of those words that means so much to us throughout our faith, but still means VERY different things at different times. Right now, all I can pray for is grace. From very superficial things to very deep rooted things down in my soul. Blog readers grant me grace in that I STILL haven't updated the blog with any pics of the house. Self have some grace on the crap I have been consuming and the lack of exercise you have seen. Friends grant me grace if I am an emotional rollercoaster dealing with life right now. Work grant me favor as I try to keep it all "together" while feeling so overwhelmed and unqualified it is not even funny. Hubs grant me favor for being bipolar in my actions and reactions. Seriously -- one minute I am his #1 cheerleader, the next I am nagging over something stupid. Lord grant me favor for the anger I feel and the doubt that runs through my mind.

You see, 2011 has turned out to be a very challenging year. There have already been a LOT of very exciting things going on that are very stressful at the same time and there have been some of the saddest moments in my life. This post is going to be long, but I hope to spit out 2011 so far to help me process why I feel so out of control.

Here are the things that have happened since January:

  • JAN. 2011: Cleaned out the whole house, touch up painted, staged the house and kept it spotless

  • MARCH 2011: Put the house on the market

  • April 2011: Sold the house in 3.5 weeks

  • April 2011: Started the search for the new house and found our "dream" house that first week, only to lose it in a bidding war.

  • April 2011: Found another house that was falling apart but had a lot of potential -- can we really consider renovating a WHOLE house?

  • MAY 2011: Moved out of the townhouse into a condo with only a mattress, tv and two chairs...everything else went to storage.

  • Memorial Day Weekend: Closed on both houses

  • JUNE 2011: Renovations began and we quickly learned that every free second we had would be spent on house decisions.

  • JULY 2011: Learned that our company was selling its biggest division and that we would be going through a HUGE transition not knowing if that meant I was staying or going.

  • AUGUST 2011: Learn that my friend had a cancerous tumor and would have to start chemo

  • AUGUST 2011: Decided it was time to consider starting a family

  • October 2011: Moved into the new house while is was still being renovated

  • October 2011: Learned things were not looking good for my dear friend

  • October 2011: No baby yet

  • October 2011: Got promoted and my workload doubled

  • November 2011: Lost my sweet friend at the age of 30

As you can see, we have been in a whirlwind of a year and I am very ready for 2012 and the promise of a calmer time. We are so blessed and God continues to guide our path in ways we could never imagine, but I am left exhausted and out of breath.

I plan to write seperate posts about many of the items above, so this is just an overview. God taught me so much about His timing through the house process this year and is still teaching me a lot about the joy of the Lord is my strength through the loss of Melissa, not to mention trusting in His will and His timing through trying to start a family, and the feeling of inadequacy in getting a promotion to a position I feel completely unequipped for. We will see when I can get these posts written, not to mention before and after pics of the house!

If you made it to the end, thanks! God is REALLY teaching me so much, so please pray that He continues to do so.

Blessings my friends.

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"I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are your works, and my soul knows it very well."

~Psalm 139:14